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May 2009 
One Door Closes, Another Opens...
~C4Chaos
“Never doubt that a small, group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” ~ Margaret Meade
I remember it like yesterday. Two years ago I’ve embarked on a journey of pure serendipity. I left a relatively secured job to join a start up with a team of idealistic people I haven’t even met in person before. The reason I took the job was to experience change in my life while doing something that would have an impact in other people’s lives. Our team believed that social networking technology can be used to inspire and empower people by providing an online oasis where they can have meaningful conversations, freely express their beliefs, dreams, interests, creativity, and spirituality, without worrying about being judged and ridiculed. It was the early days of Zaadz.
Running a social network is as challenging as it is rewarding. Slowly but surely we grew our humble community. We resisted the urge of growing too quickly by focusing on quality of members rather than quantity. As a result, our growth was slow and organic. And therein lies our biggest challenge: sustainability. Our team and CEO at that time, Brian, had to make a hard choice: pack it up and call it a day, break up the team and keep on going, or keep the team and the community intact by finding a company that aligns with our vision and values. GAIAM came to the rescue. It was a perfect fit. Zaadz eventually transformed into Gaia Community. Our niche community continued to flourish.
Fast forward a year later, our biggest challenge–sustainability–is still there, only this time the harsh reality of our current economy had caught up on us as well. To make the long story short, GAIAM had to make cutbacks. Unfortunately, my position was one of those affected. So as of yesterday, I’m no longer working for Gaia Community.
[NOTE: See Siona's blog for details. To all Gaia Community members: I may no longer work for Gaia but I'm still part of our community. Time-permitting, I'll continue to visit, interact, and answer your questions. So feel free to email me and drop by my grapevine once in a while :) ]
In spite of what happened, I’m still grateful for the opportunity to build something that is meaningful to others. Over the years I’ve met a lot people, online and offline, who had expressed their gratitude and love for the community we’ve started. I often hear the expression, “Thank you for what you do. I feel at home here,” whenever people describe their experience on Gaia. This made me proud and gave me goosebumps. How often do we hear people thanking us for making their lives a little better? I never got tired of hearing praises like that during my stay with Gaia. I’ll miss that part of my job.
Another thing I would terribly miss is my daily interaction with the Gaia team. I work remotely and have had very minimal physical interaction with them, but we’re like kindred souls online. It was a pleasure to share with them this journey. They’re the most passionate and compassionate people I’ve worked with. I wish them well.
Finally, I’ve also greatly benefited from Zaadz/Gaia on a personal level. For instance, I was able to work remotely from Ireland to be with my (then) future wife. Zaadz/Gaia will always be part of our family story.
So, what am I going to do next?
Short answer: I don’t know. A part of me wants to continue to find fulfulling work wherein I can leverage all the things I’ve learned from growing online communities, community support, moderation, social networking, and social media strategies. But another part of me wants to take the path of least resistance and go back to the corporate world of cubicles, office politics, status reports, and endless unproductive meetings. If it’s just me, I would take the former option. But the reality is that there are people who depend on me, so I’m considering the latter. I may be an idealist, but I’m also a practical person. Thanks to my pragmatic personality and my Asian cultural upbringing.
In any case, the biggest challenge for me is dealing with homeostasis. For the past couple of years I’ve gotten used to working remotely. As soon as I got up in the morning I was only a few steps away from work. There were days when I didn’t even bother to take a shower or change my sleeping clothes. (I sometimes teased my teammate, Matthew, that I work naked. I think he liked it.) I’ll miss the freedom, flexibility, and the less carbon-footprint lifestyle (i.e. for two years, I didn’t have to drive to work). I’m hoping I can telecommute in my next job.
Another adjustment I’d have to deal with is that, I won’t have the privilege of spending as much time online as I did before. I’ll do my best to keep up with my (hyper)streaming practice. But I’ll probably go under the radar again. I’m not comfortable mixing my online and personal/career life.
In the meantime, I’ll use my free time to reflect on things I’ve been putting off. One door closes, another opens. But I’m not getting any younger. So it’s time I shift my attention to what really matters.
Access: Public
What really matters is right there beside you.
love is all that matters
blessings,
samme
And inside you. Oh, ~C. I don't have words for this. I love you. I love you, and it's been an honor sharing the building of this place with you, and I have learned, already, so, so unbearably much from your heart and graciousness and optimism and insight. I expect to learn more.
(Also, I don't think you could go under the radar if you tried. Your light and your spirit shines far, far too brightly for that.)
I've been there–recently even! You have many more options than most. Let me know if I can help you network into a new place.
Enjoy the reflecting time–it can actually be pretty sweet, weirdly enough.
And unemployment can really help pay the bills in the mean time.
My best wishes for your next job! And on your way to your destiny. Maybe even to becoming a bestseller author one day or doing journalistic work for the newly emrging media of the future..
And, in the personal realm, for the next opportunities in growth -as much in the carbon based reality as in other dimensions.
The world needs your presence.
Please feel free to contact me at any time if I can do something for you.
Best,
Albert
You have contributed immeasurably to the quality of my life, and if you go under the radar I will upgrade my radar system to still detect you !!!!!!!!! I can't imagine not having you around. Also, I feel your expertise in the new kind of entrepreneurship/capitalism is going to be particularly valuable to the world, and I wanna be around to see and support that.
Are you checking out the new Google scene being set up down the street from us? Seems as if that might be a reasonably compatible place to work, clothed of course, LOL !!!!
May you not have to compromise your wishes and desires re work situation in the least. I see no need for you to not have all the convenience and meaningfulness and reward you so richly deserve and have earned. You are a resource for the new world which is emerging/being co-created, and I do not feel you will be wasted. So don't even waste time thinking about the old paradigm-type job. It's not your Purpose or destiny.
Let me know if it appears there is anything I might do for you, beyond holding the Vision of your best and highest next work situation.
Hugs to you and your wife,
OM Bastet
Ah C!
You are a hero of mine. Hey, it's now even in my loves section to prove it! I've been a huge fan since reading your posts on Integral Naked then you blog, then finally working with you. I had so much fun. When I want a solid, reasoned, fluffy take on some thing, I read your take. Transhumanism? Check! Health care? Check! Social networking? Check! The new atheism? Check! And on and on. The intense curiousity and passion for weeding out biases and always coming from a place of compassion is something I aspire to in thought, but you achieve. And articulate it so well. If had the courage to try, I wouldn't have half the insight or a tenth of the writing and wit.
Is you donation sign up on you new blog? I'd like to buy you another coffee ;) But this time, not just as fan, but as a friend.
Impermanence!?! She's a mystery…
Hey see if Intent.com needs your blogging or networking skiz-illz or call up Steve Pavlina and see if he needs some Chaos. Dude you are the MAN, so marketable. Hope you don't mind the suggestions… You're a veritable web within the web with all the connections and linking (hyper)activity. I've followed you down so many rabbit holes and a worm-hole once, I think. Ah, the Redbull days…
Thank you for all you done here. You've turned me on to many many cool things in your blog and group posts and I've read so much of your support explanations and demos. Your balance and even-handedness in moderations and debates has been a priveledge to observe. Quite an intelligent Chap…
One doors closes but I'll wager several are going to open, even in this econonmy!
You ROCK IT! Yeah Mate, distance is dead online so let me know where you land. (I hope it's where you already are…remotely speaking) Blog on with yo bad self and play some guitar while sending out resumes, eh?
Impermanence - she's a mystery alright. GODSPEED
Love One Another
~ ^.^ ~
Blessings to you. You have done well, I'm sure God and/or the Universe is saying. Idealism is not given the respect it should get; without a vision people would perish.
I pray that you get the best of both worlds. Just be open to it and don't lose your natural self and your hope for a better world at this stage.
I am excited to hear about the new doors that will be opening in the future.
Be good. You are loved!
Oh and by the way… the 5 year rule… apply it to six months and life gets really really interesting. This is how I live my life. Thanks. Sherri
C:
I am speechless. I send you lots of energy to manifest the plerk of your NEW DREAMS!
You are loved here and appreciated. Thank your for all your conscious and loving dedication to this community.
Blessings and hugs,
Aley
Bummer, dude. But yeah, I'm sure that next great opportunity is waiting for you just around the corner. And hey, have iPhone, will (hyper)stream, right? So even if you have to spend some time in a cubicle, stream on, my friend! Stream on! ;-)
Much love,
~G
Hi C4Chaos,
You have a good attitude about your path which will help balance you during this time. Change is good. Have you ever seen the crazy cartoon movie about Moving Cheese? check it out. a little corny-but effective.
First of all, relax about the situation. Take a deep breath. Believe in yourself and live this belief. Target companies you believe in. Examine their path, does it mimic some of your interests, ethics? Secondly, you can go back to “corporate chaos” but remain faithful to your vision of needing to believe in what you do. Third, do the two column list and then have it reviewed by someone close to you for accuracy. Most of us forget some of our best qualities. You are going to need these attributes (of the list) in the back of your mind for interviews. If someone believes in your ability, listen to the clue.
The average nice person is the true hero in this world. Great companies want “nice” people. You are nice. :=] So, continue to be “you” and above all else - keep your sense of humor.
Have you looked at droppingknowledge.org?
Kalyse
Wow, I'm stunned.
I've only been here a short time but you've been a significant pleasure to interact with and you've been so responsive and quick to answer any questions or concerns that you made my beginnings into the Gaia community more welcoming than I could have ever expected.
You've got a lot of wonderful support and it sounds like more than a few networking -> new position possibilities :) I'm glad you'll still be around the community because you have the bestest blog postings you know. All your intelligence and wit will surely springboard you into another wonderful opportunity. I have no doubt about your continued success, and more importantly, continued fulfilling livelihood and joy in life.
With every sincere and good wish,
Erin
Kalyse 'The average nice person is the true hero in this world. Great companies want “nice” people.' Love that comment. Such simple resonance… if people really knew… Sighhh
Love to all again. Sherri
thank you for all your magic
loving hugs
you are in my meditations
Bless you, bless you, bless you!!! And THANK you for all you have done here. You have made this site so much stronger and better - you, more than anyone, have demonstrated just what this baby can do. Blogs, groups, photos, videos, books, quotes - you have contributed so much of immeasurable worth. As each feature was built, you were there, passionately showing the rest of us the possibilities…
I wish you all the best in your future endeavors - hopefully, you will not have to chose either security or idealism, but will have BOTH… AND so much more… (guess who taught me that??)
Best, T
I still can't believe it, even after reading it for the third time. Good luck to you in you next adventure. Big Hug!
John
My brother, your foot has just left another stepping stone!
Congratulations, another venture under your belt, thousands of worthwhile connections!!
Who knows where the path will lead, but it will be a wonderful adventure that cannot but have benefitted by your experience.
Cheers!!
You have always been a huge part of zaadz/Gaia for me, C4 - it's going to be very different without you. I'm really glad you are still part of the community, so perhaps it wont feel that different… as I already mentioned on Siona's team blog, the one wonderful thing about you going 'pleb' is that we can SEED you!
I for one am truly hoping you find a way to combine pragmatic and idealism – what about working for google? I do believe that in the end doing what you love to do is what feeds and nourishes everyone around you.
Best of luck, and much much love,
Sandra
I'm stunned & saddened. Really Deeply Saddened !!! Not sure really how to process this news at the moment. I wish you all the best & look forward to reading your blogs…. wherever they may travel !!! You are a bright & shining Star… !!!
Much love,
Lisa
Dear ~C,
Nobody will ever fill your shoes here.
I'm just so disappointed and sad.
For you, Kelly, Jake and all of us that love the network that we have created here.
You 3 will land on your feet, You are powerful, WE are a force.
Love, gratitude & many blessings for your future.
Ladybear
as long as you are here on Gaia, you will always be a force for light and truth and community, so don't stop basking in the gratitude of all those of us on Gaia who appreciate your part in zaadz/Gaia - even just the effects of all you have done over the past years will be long, long felt.
wishing the open door to be all your heart can desire, telecommute and all
love, light and hugs to you and your dearest
Rommel, you have more talent than a human being should be allowed to have! I understand the conflict between wanting a rewarding job and just wanting to get a secure job that will pay the bills. Even for someone as talented as you, I know that choice is still staring you in the eyes. My dream for you is that you find that job that puts your full potential to use. I'll let you know if I come across anything. In the meantime, let me know if there's anything else I can do for you. You've given me so much and asked for nothing in return. The day you joined Zaadz was one of the happiest of my life. I wish I could express my gratitude to you, fully. You're my brother.
(I sometimes teased my teammate, Matthew, that I work naked. I think he liked it.)
-no comment
Much gratitude. Blessings and all the best to you. jw
I'm sure I'm not the only one shedding tears. May they all flow into a river of love and goodness to bathe you in light. Of course, of course, something amazing is going to happen for you and your family now but I'm still going to sit here and cry. This is not a change that any of us could have imagined in our wildest of dreams.
Blessings & Immense Gratitude, Ayla
I'm happy for you, strange as it may sound - what really matters will bubble up opportunity for you, I'm sure. And if I can help…
- you wrote some time back that you would like to do photography focused on impermanence, do it you have a great eye for composition. When I view your work I think of your style as punk-rock-Buddhist-photography. Take pictures and write about them. God speed brother…
PS - buy a tripod
I'm so grateful for the many many many things you've turned me on to since I found this place. You're a stellar resource person, a terrific writer and an all around very nice person. I'm already in withdrawal, and I hope you find the time and inclination to keep posting. If you do go under the radar, please send me your new coordinates!
I wish you the absolute best of everything and again, thank you so many times over for everything you've contributed to this place and to my life. You're awesome.
Sorry to hear about this news. I am feeling both sadness (for this change and the uncertainty and any other challenging feelings or fears that may come up) and hope and anticipation (for whatever new opportunity the Universe will open up for you and your family.) So glad to hear you'll continue to be part of the community….looking forward to reading about your new adventures, Kathy
<as long as you are here on Gaia>
Hey Nicole, you have something there! Who is going to do the work of these guys? How does this impact Gaia?
I am sad to hear you have left the team C4. You and K were two of my first friends on zaadz, and I actually learned how to blog from reading your posts. I had never blogged before.
After reading this post, I realized how secure I felt knowing you were there on the team. I guess it helped me to know I could reach out with questions. Now I feel a bit lost as to who to contact about anything. This layoff is flushing out emotions and caring for the authenticity of this experience and those who introduced me to it.
On the upswing, there is some hope in the Corporate world. I work in Corporate America and I work from home whenever I want even in my house coat and bunny slippers. ;o) Scarey image isn't it. Engagement and Results not attire or location is the key.
Also, I have been able to maintain my authenticity and vision while working within the system. I am proud of the change and ways of working I have introduced and seen flourish from my influence. I know you can do that too. Corporate America needs that and is more open than ever before should you go that route.
I do have a company in mind that you might check out if you are interested. They do not care where in the world you work just as long as you get the results. Let me know.
Please keep blogging! It is and has been an inspiration!
Ben
Zennie, your home attire does sound scary…..maybe you could follow -C. I love what he sometimes chooes to wears whilst he works. lolololol.
What a lovely picture!
I just wanted to add my own personal note of appreciation for your part in the creation of one of the most wonderfully uplifting places that there ever was in cyberspace-zaadz. It's seeds have been sewn far and wide and like that pesky flower, will show up to bring amazing beauty wherever they land.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
To that open door; and your name that is on Grown By on so many of the pods I belong to…~C4, you wonderful hyperlinking blogger…giving you a great big hug….after gleefully seeding you too! I wondered why I hadn't done it before; and then realized why! From my POV, that hidden circle is glowing as brightly as it did when it was visible next to your name!
C4,
I thought in reading Jessica's email that none of the really “out front” people were going. The name Rommel didn't mean anything to me. But C4Chaos definitely does and it is hard to think of this community without thinking you are there in the background helping to guide it. I'm stunned but the only constant is change as your screen name so well recognizes.
I know we haven't been close, we never even became friends but Siona only did that for me recently. I'm sort of on the fringe that way. All I can really say to you is something that may surprise you - this seems as hard to me as when Zaadz became Gaia and you may remember those growing pains were hard for me to cope with (or you may not as I there really in the background).
I wish you all the best and every success, which there is no doubt in my mind, will continue to chase after you and try as hard as ever to catch up with you, if it can … moving faster than the speed of light as you do.
Fondly,
Deborah
C, you are an amazing human being, I agree with all of what's been said. And it's been such a privilege to work with you. You impress me daily.
You know I'm here if I can do anything for you. Whatever company gets you next will find themselves deeply fortunate.
Blessings!
You are the best Kid on a Blog I know. May you always flourish and prosper in whatever you choose.
Sending you love and good luck wishes for your wonderful future..
Thank you for all you have done…
Love
Ange
C you were one of my first friends on zaadz too.. and as has been said already, you made it SO much easier to work out the social networking thing.
Thankyou for helping me take my first baby-blogging-steps by being there and answering all my questions and then by just being their with your inspirational photos, blogs and constant on-the-ball presence.
It doesn't feel the same to be here without that.. and yet chaos is where it's at!
Yes to following your path to the next stepping stone.. may it bring more than even zaadz has to your life!!!!
Love x
Who was the one to handle the flamers here with cool finesse and hot acumen?
Who is the tech whiz we always could count on?
Who could intellectually spar with those who challenged you/us and win as a peaceful warrior?
Who created and nurtured the Earth Day pod in addition to your others?
Who won the hearts of many?
YOU, YOU, YOU!
We will miss you and have great faith in your future endeavors. Even though you are pragmatic, still follow your heart knowing you will still be able to meet you and your beloved's needs and then some!
THANKS FOR ALL YOU HAVE DONE!
Hoping to see you around.
love,
mary
You turned on my light this morning. I like am searching for you on my friends list and WTF where is he? I'm really strarting to get steamed up right now. Grrrrr. Ok peace and light and all that BS. I'm torn to say the very least.
A friend of mine, Kathy made a reference to me on yesterday QaR about me FastDart being the hyperlinker and I was going to set her straight on that misconception and introduce you to her…If that doesn't suck I don't know what does..
~C4 please throw out a link so we can stay in touch…Ladybear knows enough to steer you in the right direction if your interested.. I'm like so sad now i think I'll go unconscious for a few more days.
Love,
~lars
… yeah, impermanence … Life moves us on … you are so awesome that awesomeness can't help but find you … i sure hope the new frontier that you've been helping pioneer doesn't lose you to corporate cubicle land … please (re)rent “Joe Versus the Volcano”. awesomeness my friend, pure awesomeness … :)
Wow, sorry to hear about this. I wish you the best in your career search. I completely understand the struggle you face. Just a little suggestion to not rule out teaching. You are incredibly talented and I know you would have a huge impact in children's lives. The pay is good in most states and the reward is incalculable.
to everyone,
thank you so much for all the touching message and good vibes. you give me goosebumps. this is what i'll miss.
BIG THANK YOU for being here on Gaia and making my (our) job possible. i owe you a big one.
then again, this is not a goodbye by any stretch. i'll still be here as a member, so take care and see you around :)
~C
as was said in my fav movie as her beloved was slowly moving higher and higher towards more love and light…..”ditto”
Yay, Jaguar Goddess: “Ghost” with Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore. Heckuva good film !!!
Me, too, “ditto” all the above.
Hugs, OM Bastet
Hi Mel, I was going to erase a whole slew of emails about “so-and-so posted a blog today on Gaia,” because honestly I hardly ever have time to read a bunch of them, so I kind of rotate whom I read, but I got this little tug tug “Read C4 Chaos today!” and I said, “Oh, alright Universe, whatever you say.”
I want to thank you, very sincerely, very deeply, for your kindness, intelligence, responsibility, vision, humor, creativity…. I could go on and on. Clearly, the Universe has another assignment for you. And I'm glad you'll be around when you can, and you aren't pullin' up your tent stakes here. That would be TOO much for us!
There's something I want to be really clear about. I've said it before, and I do hope that it's helpful to you to hear this… I want you to understand that you have been my #1 source of information about technology and new ideas during the past year or two. You've helped me in so many ways… from learning about blogging and technical aspects, to learning about new trends, technologies, philosophical ideas, anything like that. I learned about social entrepreneurship from you, and those ideas have formed the basis for a program that I'm developing with a grant that was funded. Do you see? YOU have a unique ability, through sharing your point of view and the quality of your insights, to assist people in thinking about access to tools, ways of working, processes, developing a vision, thinking about world view and problem solving. You're not just helpful or entertaining. I think you have a unique ability to enrich and support people in what they do. You amaze me in many ways, and I have great hopes for you. I know there's something very unique and special out there for you to do. Please don't think of your future as just “taking the path of least resistance” back to the “corporate cubicles.” Your spirit and talents won't leave you there. You have something profound to do— an appointment with the Universe. You're exactly where you need to be to keep the appointment. I just really wanted to say Thank you! :)
Hey, Martha, thank you for that marvelous beautiful eloquent comment, I say ditto except I haven't read as much or learned as much or put it to as much use as you have.
Rommel, this that she said sounds like a job-description to me:
YOU have a unique ability, through sharing your point of view and the quality of your insights, to assist people in thinking about access to tools, ways of working, processes, developing a vision, thinking about world view and problem solving.
At least put it on your resume, maybe link to this whole blog on your resume, hahahha.
Hugs, OM Bastet
Blessings and peace to you, C4, and best wishes as another door opens –
Agape,
Mary
Onwards and upwards young man … THE dynamism of “c4chaos” will prevail …
keep on hyperstreaming as well as hyperlinking & LOVE to you and yours
michael
NO Doubt the universe has big opportunities for you….you must be special to have the door open so wide… You might want to check out http://www.2senseworth.org/, or best wishes in wherever the journey takes you.
Peace On Earth,
J
The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with weary feet,
Until it joins some larger way,
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.
Peace brother, see you “up around the bend”!
Daniel
I haven't been on Gaia that long, but I'm saddened by this change. I want to see this place grow and instead its being pruned. When I first joined, C4Chaos was one of the first names I noticed around. I'm glad you're sticking around as a member and I hope the best for you.
Hey Friend,
I celebrate your transition. Only recently I have gone back to school to get my 1st college degree…I'll be about 65 when I get it.
From the emptiness within a seed sprouts the tiny bush, and eventually the great tree and yet the emptiness remains. I celebrate that within you which brings forth all these worlds.
Cheers Bro,
Doug
PS
I also have been immensely enriched by your prodigiously creative output….Thanks
thanks for what you did at zaadz. mabuhay!
I appreciate everything you've done here, cool M; it takes courage to follow your dreams (and destiny). I know Yoda and all the prophets are with you; so, continued success to you!
…and thanks for the tech advice,
~ the scribe
Oh “C”
How can this be?????? I come back & you are gone…. ditto on all the above…. I turned to you so often & you helped me so much in techy-land…. I send you love abundant & hope you let us know where you are…..
Crying……. yet I know that change is good! Good is yours to have!
All the best Mr C.
PJ
Peggy J, glad to see you back. i'm still here checking back when i get the chance. change is treating me well.
good to know that you're doing well. see you around.
~C